Dealing with fighting children is a huge challenge. Here are 5 basic guidelines that are easy to memorize and remember in the moment of frustration.
1. You Are in Control
Don't get caught in the emotion when solving a fight between kids. Remember that you are in control. There are many tactics for keeping yourself calm in tense situations. Count to ten (if there is time), take a deep breath, think of a happy time or something good the children have done, etc. The point is to find something that works for you.
Once you are clam, separate the fighting children physically, like a boxing referee. Calmly stop the verbal accusations. In order to stop the evil eyes, face pulling, and gestures, you will need to divert their attention to something besides each other, such as having them focus on a family picture or listen for a cricket.
2. Disarm and Set the Tone
Look each one in the eyes and sincerely say, "I love you." This reminds them and you that you really do love them and want to help them overcome the situation and you aren't just a mad authority figure dolling out a punishment. You can even give each one a hug or elaborate on wanting to have a happy family.
Usually they will still be mad and reluctant to let go of their anger. That's fine. They have adrenaline in their veins and it must be used. Jumping jacks, push ups, and hitting a punching bag are all good ways to use up the adrenaline.
3. Start With Feelings
Instead of asking what happened, first ask how they feel. Once they have expressed how they feel, ask them why they feel that way. At first it will be difficult to keep both from talking at once and from accusing each other. Reassure them that each will have a turn to talk.
4. See Other's Point of View
If your children are over 5 years old, help them see the situation from the other person's point of view. Remember, who is right and who is wrong is not as important as what we learn from the experience.
5. Discuss the Consequences
If one or both children are at fault, discuss the natural consequences of their actions and any punishment that may be required. At this point, even a spanking will not psychologically damage the child. They know you love them and don't want to punish them. It is mechanical rather than passionate.
Remember, your children aren't perfect and neither are you. Don't be too hard on them or yourself. Every conflict is a learning opportunity.
On the other hand, your children have unlimited potential. If you teach them how to learn from fights and conflicts as a child, they will have a skill they can use throughout their lives.
Let the Black Belt within you break free!
For a great Martial Arts program, check out www.BobbyLawrenceKarate.net
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Target Areas
When you are facing an attacker that is bigger and stronger than you are, there are a few martial arts principles that can help level the playing field. One of these tricks is to strike certain target areas. For example, being poked in the eye hurts worse than being punched in the shoulder. Am I right? Before you start thinking about how hard you can hit or kick, it might pay to focus on where to hit and the best way to make contact.
In life, this can be likened to having a plan created from an effective vision. Every person should strive to be a leader, no matter what roles they play in life. I have heard it said that the man who knows how will always have a job. The man who knows why will always be his boss.
The vision for a company comes from a leader that has foresight, analyzes and predicts trends, and is willing to take responsibility for important decisions. These leaders are important because the choices they make will shape the destiny and profitability of the company.
Families also need strong leaders to create a vision and make decisions. However, their decisions are far more reaching because their choices shape the character of family members. From a broader perspective, our individual family decisions are shaping the moral fiber of our society.
What kind of leader are you? Do you know the targets you are striving for? Do you execute decisions with power and accuracy? Take a few minutes to reflect and meditate about your work and family decisions. It's never too late or too soon to make changes.
Let the Black Belt within you break free!
For a great karate program, check out www.BobbyLawrenceKarate.net
In life, this can be likened to having a plan created from an effective vision. Every person should strive to be a leader, no matter what roles they play in life. I have heard it said that the man who knows how will always have a job. The man who knows why will always be his boss.
The vision for a company comes from a leader that has foresight, analyzes and predicts trends, and is willing to take responsibility for important decisions. These leaders are important because the choices they make will shape the destiny and profitability of the company.
Families also need strong leaders to create a vision and make decisions. However, their decisions are far more reaching because their choices shape the character of family members. From a broader perspective, our individual family decisions are shaping the moral fiber of our society.
What kind of leader are you? Do you know the targets you are striving for? Do you execute decisions with power and accuracy? Take a few minutes to reflect and meditate about your work and family decisions. It's never too late or too soon to make changes.
Let the Black Belt within you break free!
For a great karate program, check out www.BobbyLawrenceKarate.net
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Laws and Principles of Nature
Contrary to the popular belief of movie directors in Hollywood, martial artists don't fly or defy the natural laws of the world we live in. Instead, we learn principles of motion that help us understand how to use natural laws to our advantage. By using these principles, we can learn to hit harder, confuse our enemy, get our opponent off balance, maintain proper distance, and break through boards. Once you understand the principles, there is no magic.
What role are natural laws playing in your life? Are you fighting them or using them to your advantage? Let's start with something basic, such as gravity. When we pack on extra pounds, it seems gravity is working against us, pulling us down and sapping our strength. However, we use the same law of gravity when we do weight training, which makes us stronger and more energetic.
The law of the harvest says that we should plant our garden, nourish it, and cultivate it. Then we can have confidence that the plants will actually grow and bare fruit. This law can work against us if we fail to follow the proper pattern. If we wish to reap a bounteous harvest, we must make the law a part of our life. Of course, this law applies to more than just gardening.
Take a moment to think of areas you might be trying to “break the law” or areas where you could use the laws of nature to your advantage.
Let the Black Belt within you break free!
For a great Martial Arts program, check out www.BobbyLawrenceKarate.net
What role are natural laws playing in your life? Are you fighting them or using them to your advantage? Let's start with something basic, such as gravity. When we pack on extra pounds, it seems gravity is working against us, pulling us down and sapping our strength. However, we use the same law of gravity when we do weight training, which makes us stronger and more energetic.
The law of the harvest says that we should plant our garden, nourish it, and cultivate it. Then we can have confidence that the plants will actually grow and bare fruit. This law can work against us if we fail to follow the proper pattern. If we wish to reap a bounteous harvest, we must make the law a part of our life. Of course, this law applies to more than just gardening.
Take a moment to think of areas you might be trying to “break the law” or areas where you could use the laws of nature to your advantage.
Let the Black Belt within you break free!
For a great Martial Arts program, check out www.BobbyLawrenceKarate.net
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Karate Teaches Respect
Respect means to reverence, recognize value in, appreciate, or think highly of someone or something. In martial arts, we respect our instructors because we know they have studied and practiced for many years to attain their state of proficiency. We are grateful that they are willing to share their knowledge and skill with us. We know that if we are diligent in following their instructions and example, that we will become better people, better martial artists, and better warriors of peace.
Karate instructors are just one example of people we respect. Everyone in the human family deserves some amount of your respect and for various reasons. Having this respect for all mankind keeps us humble and helps us learn from everyone we meet.
I have noticed that in today's world, many people, especially in the rising generation, either do not have much respect, or don't know how to show it. As a society, we have plenty of room for improvement. Try these simple ways of showing respect and see if it doesn't make a big difference in your life.
1.When someone is speaking to you, listen.
2.When you commit to do something, do it.
3.View everyone you meet as a fellow human with precious emotions, desires, ambitions, challenges, strengths, and accomplishments.
When we discover that we have more similarities than differences, we start to care. Caring warrants respect. If everyone treated each other with respect, the world would be at peace.
Let the Black Belt within you break free!
For a great Martial Arts program, check out www.BobbyLawrenceKarate.net
Karate instructors are just one example of people we respect. Everyone in the human family deserves some amount of your respect and for various reasons. Having this respect for all mankind keeps us humble and helps us learn from everyone we meet.
I have noticed that in today's world, many people, especially in the rising generation, either do not have much respect, or don't know how to show it. As a society, we have plenty of room for improvement. Try these simple ways of showing respect and see if it doesn't make a big difference in your life.
1.When someone is speaking to you, listen.
2.When you commit to do something, do it.
3.View everyone you meet as a fellow human with precious emotions, desires, ambitions, challenges, strengths, and accomplishments.
When we discover that we have more similarities than differences, we start to care. Caring warrants respect. If everyone treated each other with respect, the world would be at peace.
Let the Black Belt within you break free!
For a great Martial Arts program, check out www.BobbyLawrenceKarate.net
Sunday, January 4, 2009
3 Secrets to Keeping Resolutions
I love making New Year Resolutions. I think I have a tendency to be more optimistic than realistic, but I like that about myself. In my martial arts training, I have found three goal achieving secrets that have made a huge difference in all areas of my life. If you can do these three things, your goal / resolution attainment ratio will jump dramatically.
3 keys to accomplishing any goal:
1. Stay focused on the final outcome.
2. Enjoy the journey.
3. Have faith in yourself.
First, focusing on the final outcome gets you through the rough times when the discipline and hard work seem overwhelming. Let's face it, sometimes you just have to force yourself to do things you don't like to do.
Second, you must find a way to enjoy the majority of the journey. This may take some creativity or an attitude change, but if you aren't having fun, you can only force yourself to do something for so long. If you can't be happy while working on a goal, what makes you think you will be happy once you achieve it?
Third, you have to actually believe that you have the mental, emotional, or physical capacity to accomplish what you have set out to do. In the back of their mind, most people doubt their full potential. This is why we break big goals down into bite size chunks. Keep breaking them down until you believe without any reservation that you can absolutely conquer them.
I hope these 3 secrets to goal achieving help you become the person you wish to be. We only have a short time here on this earth, let's make this an awesome year.
For a great Martial Arts program, check out www.BobbyLawrenceKarate.net
3 keys to accomplishing any goal:
1. Stay focused on the final outcome.
2. Enjoy the journey.
3. Have faith in yourself.
First, focusing on the final outcome gets you through the rough times when the discipline and hard work seem overwhelming. Let's face it, sometimes you just have to force yourself to do things you don't like to do.
Second, you must find a way to enjoy the majority of the journey. This may take some creativity or an attitude change, but if you aren't having fun, you can only force yourself to do something for so long. If you can't be happy while working on a goal, what makes you think you will be happy once you achieve it?
Third, you have to actually believe that you have the mental, emotional, or physical capacity to accomplish what you have set out to do. In the back of their mind, most people doubt their full potential. This is why we break big goals down into bite size chunks. Keep breaking them down until you believe without any reservation that you can absolutely conquer them.
I hope these 3 secrets to goal achieving help you become the person you wish to be. We only have a short time here on this earth, let's make this an awesome year.
For a great Martial Arts program, check out www.BobbyLawrenceKarate.net
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Smile
Everyone has heard that martial arts is intended to be used only for defense and never for offense. However, parents are often concerned that if they enroll their child in martial arts program, that they will become bullies or will only know how to solve problems using violence. The opposite is true. A child that does not feel threatened does not need to be a bully. A child with confidence has more problem solving options than the child that can only react out of fear.
One thing my instructor encourages, both through word and example, is the principle of smiling. A smile can diffuse a situation before it escalates. A smile can make friends before they become enemies. A smile portrays confidence and radiates a positive energy. Yes, a smile is crucial to the proper practice of martial arts. It also makes the grueling workouts much more enjoyable.
In the workplace, people that smile have a higher chance of getting promoted. They are more likely to be satisfied and excited about their job. They usually get more done in a workday. They have better overall health records.
So, take a deep breath and put a smile on your face. Have a great week.
(Check out http://www.bobbylawrencekarate.net)
One thing my instructor encourages, both through word and example, is the principle of smiling. A smile can diffuse a situation before it escalates. A smile can make friends before they become enemies. A smile portrays confidence and radiates a positive energy. Yes, a smile is crucial to the proper practice of martial arts. It also makes the grueling workouts much more enjoyable.
In the workplace, people that smile have a higher chance of getting promoted. They are more likely to be satisfied and excited about their job. They usually get more done in a workday. They have better overall health records.
So, take a deep breath and put a smile on your face. Have a great week.
(Check out http://www.bobbylawrencekarate.net)
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Developing Natural Talents
What if a karate student is naturally good at punching and has really good balance and posture, but has a difficult time moving quickly when sparring. Some people may tell you to focus on your weak areas and work on them until they are as good as your strong areas.
It is true that you have to improve your areas that are lacking in order to be well rounded. However, there is also something to be said for focusing on your natural abilities. Everyone comes into this world with their own unique blend of talents. Developing these talents and sharing them with those around us is where we will find our greatest joy.
If I have a sloppy side kick, perhaps I will work really hard on it for ten minutes and come back to it a couple of times during my hour long workout. If I were to spend the entire hour just working on my side kick, pretty soon, practice would become a drudgery and I would find myself making excuses not to practice at all.
Spending most of your time developing things that come naturally will boost your self-esteem and give you strength and increased hope during the time you spend improving your weak areas.
Take some time this week to identify your strengths. What are you naturally good at? Promise yourself that you will spend time doing these things. Have a happy life!
(Check out http://www.bobbylawrencekarate.net)
It is true that you have to improve your areas that are lacking in order to be well rounded. However, there is also something to be said for focusing on your natural abilities. Everyone comes into this world with their own unique blend of talents. Developing these talents and sharing them with those around us is where we will find our greatest joy.
If I have a sloppy side kick, perhaps I will work really hard on it for ten minutes and come back to it a couple of times during my hour long workout. If I were to spend the entire hour just working on my side kick, pretty soon, practice would become a drudgery and I would find myself making excuses not to practice at all.
Spending most of your time developing things that come naturally will boost your self-esteem and give you strength and increased hope during the time you spend improving your weak areas.
Take some time this week to identify your strengths. What are you naturally good at? Promise yourself that you will spend time doing these things. Have a happy life!
(Check out http://www.bobbylawrencekarate.net)
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